Champions in Heels 2015 Pictures

Rachael S., Child Advocate

If you ever ask me, I’ll tell you I have the best job at NWAWS. I have been the Child Advocate since January 2009, which means I get to be a kid myself at times. I do a lot of creative and therapeutic art projects with the kids, visit libraries and museums, go swimming and hiking, and discover some of the coolest places NWA has to offer.

But even with all of this fun, at the core, I am working with kids who: have come from a home where they have not felt safe, have witnessed poor versions of conflict resolution, have not been allowed to have a voice of their own, and have learned that the way to get what you want is through manipulation, verbal aggression, threats, and force.

Changing lives, ending domestic violence, changing negative thought patterns, learning coping skills, and rebuilding are huge undertakings. These are not things that happen in one day. So how does a person deal with this long process in a world that is about instant gratification?  I’ve learned to take this job and my life, “One Moment at a Time.”

Here are a few “Moments” I’ve shared.

  • A young boy who had seen his father arrested multiple times for violence against his mother struggled with his own anger and aggression. Whenever he felt he or his family were threatened, he would quickly lash out with his fists. This led to me sitting with the kids in shelter and talking about conflict. I told them conflict is a part of life; no matter how good you are, how much you try to avoid it, there will always be conflict. They decided they wanted to learn another way of dealing with conflict. The first lesson is that the only person we are in control of and the only person we can change is ourselves. That is a lesson a lot of people haven’t learned yet!

Next we practiced approaching a conflict. Take deep breathes, use a calm voice, and use this outline: “I feel______(mad, scared, sad, etc.) when you_____ (name calling, hitting, stealing).  And I don’t like that.” Next tell the person what you would like instead. “If you want to_____(play with me, get my attention, borrow a toy, etc.), next time please ask_____(Hey, Rachael, will you play with me, can I borrow your toy, etc.)?

Later that week I saw that same young boy and another kid together. The other made a disparaging remark about the boy’s father. Instead of lashing out instinctively, I saw him stop and think and then he said, “I don’t like it when you talk about my dad.  He’s in a really bad place right now.” He walked off.  That was his “Moment!”

  • A young girl who had been in many shelters and had started over time and time again came to us. She had begun stealing as a way to, once again, rebuild her life. One day I noticed something important missing from my office. I approached her and asked for it back. She handed it back, and that was that. Later that day we sat and talked about the incident. I brought up trust and asked how a person earns it. For her this “Moment” was about having an adult approach her about a conflict without screaming, yelling, and hitting. She told me she was shocked that I could just talk to her about this. I hope this “Moment” sticks with her and reminds her that people can change and approach conflict in new ways.
  • A young mother with a toddler and a baby had problems at bedtime. The toddler would scream and throw fits for almost an hour.  I had the chance to work with the mother on parenting skills. We looked at conflict resolution and discussed how we can only change and control ourselves. We focused on helping her remain calm when it feels like the world is crumbling around her by taking deep breaths, smiling and walking away if needed and safe. When an adult is stressed, the child feels it and mirrors it. We talked about bedtime before coming to shelter, and she shared that a lot of the conflict between she and her husband happened in the evenings after the children had gone to bed. I made the connection for her that her daughter does not feel safe going to bed because of this pattern. Through coaching she approached her daughter as she was screaming at bedtime and told her “You are safe.  Breathe with me.” The toddler instantly calmed and started doing deep breathes with mom. This was their “Moment!”

So when things feel too hard, too crazy, too disruptive or too savage, take a deep breath and tell yourself,  “I can do this . . . ‘One Moment at a Time.'”

June 23, 2015

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Amber Lacewell, Outreach Director

 

Whenever I get the opportunity to speak to a group about domestic violence, one of the first questions I ask is: “When you think of domestic violence, what do you think of?”

As expected, many of the initial responses are about a man hitting a woman, threats of abuse, or something along those lines. Eventually someone will toss out mental or emotional abuse. Sometimes someone mentions isolation from friends and family or abuse among same-sex couples. But do you know what I have never heard as a response?

Teen Dating Violence

Is that even a thing? Yes! Parents, do you talk about dating violence with your kids? Teenagers, do you know if you are in an abusive relationship?

Domestic violence is a large umbrella covering all types of abusive behavior occurring between current or former spouses or dating partners, parents and children, other family members, and people who live together, just to name a few. Although domestic violence between teens is handled differently than with adults in the legal system, teen dating violence is commonly recognized as a form of domestic abuse. And there is a good reason for that.

According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey,

“1 in 5 women and nearly 1 in 7 men who ever experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of intimate partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age.”

Teens and pre-teens, even though they are children, are not immune to domestic violence. As our children start to explore their freedom and interpersonal relationships, it is the responsibility of parents, family members, and the community to teach them about the warning signs. We need to keep the door open for conversations about what is going on in their relationships.

A CDC Fact Sheet summarizes teen dating violence in the following ways:

  • Physical Abuse—pinching, hitting, shoving, slapping, or kicking
  • Psychological/Emotional Abuse—name calling, shaming, bullying/manipulation, embarrassing on purpose, or isolating from friends or family
  • Sexual Abuse—forcing someone to participate in any sexual act without their explicit consent which includes spreading or threatening to spread rumors, videos, or photos
  • Stalking—patterns of behavior that threaten or harass with the goal of making the victim fearful

Loveisrespect has an interactive Relationship Spectrum on their website to help identify healthy and abusive behaviors that can occur within a dating relationship as well.

No matter what age the parties are, things like calling someone names and extreme jealousy are not okay. Even seemingly innocent behaviors can become more abusive and lead to increasingly violent behavior. Today’s victims and perpetrators of domestic violence were once teenagers, too. Will you help us stop the cycle before it even starts?

If you are an adult, what are you doing to encourage healthy relationships with your children, grandchildren, mentees, and students?

Teens, how can you help your friends stay safe?

Tell us on Facebook: here
and Twitter: @NWAWS

We are grateful for the support of our sponsors and of the teams that have registered to date. As soon as details are finalized for the rescheduled date, we will post information here and on all our social media sites.

Thank you!

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Capt. Hayes Minor of the Rogers Police Department joined the NWA Women’s Shelter Board of Directors in 2012. He and Executive Director Melanie Palmer realized quickly that victims of domestic violence were being pinballed between law enforcement and the shelter because each side knew information the other side did not, but rarely did either side know the victim’s whole story. They decided that this problem could be alleviated by creating a position that links the law enforcement side of victim advocacy with the shelter side. The idea of an officer who works with only with domestic violence cases was born. Capt. Minor took this idea and ran with it. By April 2014, he created the position of Domestic Violence Coordinator, and Officer John Harmon was promoted into this position.

Officer Harmon’s only concern is victims of domestic violence. Anytime an officer responds to a domestic violence related call, Officer Harmon is assigned to that case. Whether or not the responding officer made an arrest, took a report, or just had the parties separate for the night, Officer Harmon is notified of every single incident. His main duty is to follow up with all of these victims. A follow up consists of asking the victim how they are doing, letting them know what happened with their abuser as far as the legal system in concerned, informing the victim of the next steps that will be taken against the abuser, and offering to obtain copies of legal documents (arrest records, No Contact Orders, etc.) for the victim. In many cases, he conducts interviews with victims and abusers, obtains arrest warrants, and makes arrests. He also works closely with Prosecutor’s Office to press charges against abusers.

Officer Harmon attends Order of Protection hearings for any Rogers domestic violence victim who files for an Order. He even testifies on their behalf when needed.  He is responsible for attending trainings that pertain to police work as well as domestic violence and sexual assault, and then provides that information to other officers within the Rogers Police Department so that all officers understand the dynamics of domestic violence better and how that should affect their police work.

Every Tuesday from 1pm- 4pm, Miranda Black, the Court Advocate at NWAWS, sits with Officer Harmon at the Rogers Police Department. They discuss the dynamics of domestic violence, how officers respond to domestic violence situations, and discuss clients who have signed a Release of Information with NWAWS to speak to Officer Harmon on their behalf. Victims of domestic violence are able to come to the police department during this time to meet with the Court Advocate to ask about resources, get emotional support, and learn about the shelter. Officer Harmon and the Court Advocate keep open lines of communication to ensure every victim who needs help is receiving the best assistance possible.

This partnership means that victims of domestic violence in our community are receiving better services from our shelter and law enforcement.  Thank you to Rogers Police Department for your proactive response to the problem of domestic violence in our Northwest Arkansas community!

The NWA Women’s Shelter thrift store needs your help! Help us to maintain our commitment to never turn anyone away that is escaping abuse by volunteering your time and talents at our thrift store.

We are looking for groups to help out M-F 10am-6pm and especially on Saturday afternoon/evenings from 10am-8pm.

This is a perfect opportunity  for a youth group, church group or team building exercise. Bring a friend or two and help us make our community a safer place for everyone!

Yu can also support our mission by donating gently used house wares, electronics, clothing, and furniture. Make sure to check out our new location if you have not already. 1622 S. 8<sup>th</sup> St, Rogers.

For more information about volunteering or to schedule a donation pickup, contact Rose Stanton at 479 246-9999. For questions about donation drop-offs, contact the thrift store at 621-6116.

Dedicated Thrift Store Volunteer – Diane Landmesser

Originally from Iowa, Diane lived in Wisconsin before moving to Bella Vista in 1985. She is especially glad to live near her daughter and grandson who live in Fayetteville. Diane has been volunteering at the thrift store since December of 2014. She heard about the NWA Women’s Shelter through a friend from her church and now they carpool to the store each Monday morning to volunteer. She helps out with whatever is needed from straightening up, pricing, changing the mannequins. She said, “We show up and ask what needs to be done that day, and away we go!”

Diane is a member the Daughters of the King. Members of this group are very active at the thrift store and shelter. They bake homemade cookies for our clients and send them over to the shelter on holidays. Diane enjoys going out of her way to make a customer’s day and has even gone to the back to search for a specific size of pants for a customer that could not find his size! Thanks for all that you do, Diane. We are so grateful for your support.

To learn more about volunteering, contact Sheri Hammond at shammond@nwaws.org or 479 246-9999.
Diane-Landmesser

The Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter provides weekly support groups in English and Spanish for survivors of domestic violence. The support groups are based on the idea that participants working together in a safe, friendly, non-judgmental environment can change their lives for the better. The program provides a safe, gentle, and effective way for survivors to express and release painful feelings, and to overcome the abusive messages that they learned from their abusers. The format is a self-help group run in 1 and ½ hour sessions over the period of 12 weeks. Individuals who are referred to the group are under no pressure whatsoever to attend every session. Both self-referrals and agency referrals are accepted.

 

The three main aims of the support group are:

  • To learn about healthy patterns of behavior within relationships
  • To raise awareness of a person’s basic rights
  • To build self-esteem, self-determination, and empowerment

 

Domestic violence includes physical, sexual, physiological, or financial abuse that takes place within an intimate or family-type relationship and forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behavior. Nearly three out of four or 74% of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence according to 2013 statistics found by the Domestic Violence Resource Center.

 

Survivors often draw strength and benefit from interaction with other survivors of abuse. Support groups increases participants’ understanding of the dynamics of abusive relationships by working through the weekly activities; and by sharing their experiences with other members, participants’ feelings of shame, guilt, and loneliness diminish. For the group to function effectively, however, participation must be an autonomous choice.

We are proud to offer such an important service free of charge to all victims of domestic violence who wish to join one of our support groups.

Sheri Hammond, Volunteer Coordinator Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter If you read the previous blog by Merritt, you’ll find mine a little different. (If you haven’t, you should. There is great information in there.) I started with the Women’s Shelter as a volunteer in October of 2013 and took a part-time job here as the Volunteer Coordinator in January of 2015. I also take care of our in-kind or goods donations, both receiving and soliciting. We get so much community support; but, unfortunately, we still are always in need of something. Right now we need spoons, pillows, room fans, and towels. It’s always an odd list! We are extremely grateful for EVERY SINGLE ITEM donated; but I want to share with you some of my favorite donation stories. Maybe you’ll be inspired to step in and help out as well. One of the first regular donations I started accepting here was actually before I took this position. I helped match up our clients with sponsors for the holidays. One of the women who sponsored a family expressed an interest in providing something for the shelter on a regular basis. She asked what was needed. I knew all the typical answers: toilet paper, detergent, cleaning supplies; but I wanted to help her find something that she could provide that we might not otherwise ever have on hand. After asking around, I came up with meat. We rely almost solely on donations for stocking our pantry and refrigerator. bns gold It costs approximately $58 per day to house one person in shelter. Since our average family consists of one adult and two children, the cost is $174 a day. nike air max 2016 blauw Everything is free for the clients while they are here. We get lots of canned goods and staples, and a good bit of chicken. (We do start to run low on food in the summer though.) However, we never have meat on hand: sausage, pork chops, sliced ham, ground meat, etc. Now, at least once a month, we do! Our donor does her shopping about every three weeks and calls me to pick up a nice big bag of meat. Another donation that really moved me came about five weeks ago. We keep a list of frequently needed items, but if I am around I generally know what is needed immediately (spoons, pillows, and towels!!). A woman called and said she had $200 to spend. What did we need? At the time it was detergent. Honestly, we get calls like this all the time, and I’ve stopped counting on all of them to come through. Our thrift store manager called the following week to say she had a young girl there wanting to drop off a donation for the shelter; but she was hesitant to leave it at the store. We receive donations at the store to help protect our location. As I was on my way, she agreed to wait. When I arrived I was met by a young couple with a trunk FULL of laundry detergent. Asics authentique It was way more than $200 worth, but she was the caller. This was obviously a precious and important thing for her, and she wanted to make sure that the shelter received it. Honestly, while we run on the big money donations and grants, it’s the small ones by everyday people that keep our hearts going. There’s the elderly woman who raises chickens in her backyard and donates eggs, the Little Debbie delivery guy who stops by weekly and drops off a dozen boxes of snacks, the local appliance repair family business who keep our washer and dryer running, the summer vegetable patch people who bring us their extras, the people who take time out of their lives to cook home-cooked meals for our clients, the teenager who used her birthday money to buy diapers (not gonna lie, that was my daughter, so much for anonymity), and so many others. But, unfortunately there are still needs in our community that aren’t being met. ASICS Gel Pulse 7 pour Femme My hope is that you’ll find it in your heart and budget to reach out and make a small difference in our community. Maybe you’ll reach out to us, but the important thing is that you reach out!! (Preferably with spoons, towels, or pillows!!!!) (Note: You may reach Sheri to discuss in-kind or product donations by phone, 479-246-0353, ext.

Merritt Royal, Development Director May 13 marked my one-month anniversary as development director for the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter. As one can imagine, the shift from a higher education fundraising background to a community-focused social/human service nonprofit presents new learning opportunities. As a new employee with the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter, I want to share with you some of the insights I have gained as I reflect upon what I have learned in this first month.

  • The Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter is committed to its top priority of providing safety to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. We have advocates and resources that help guide victims through the process of preparing to leave, navigating the court system in the filing of protective orders, and making decisions for themselves to find a safe and supportive place to live. I have learned that it costs $58 per day per person to live in the shelter—a cost that is free to victims who are eligible to live in our Shelter. For an adult with two children, the cost borne by the Shelter for one safe day is $174.
  • Empowerment is the model used by the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter. Whether a person lives in our shelter or utilizes our services as an outreach client, our advocates help clients develop self-awareness so that they become responsible for their own choices. air max pas cher pour femme And the good news is 93% of our clients who have lived in the shelter tell us, as they leave, they intend to choose a safe place to live rather than return to the abusive environment.
  • While we naturally desire each client to always choose to end the cycle of abuse, that does not always happen. nike tn pas cher For a variety of reasons—including economic dependence—some victims do choose to return to the abuser. I have learned that the process of choosing to lead a life that is violence-free is complicated, with a victim often returning to the abuser 7 times before finally choosing to end the cycle. lunette de soleil oakley pas cher The staff and Board of the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter treat each person with the greatest level of integrity. This means a victim is treated respectfully and is shown the same level of compassion and support, regardless whether he/she is a first-time client or a seven-time client.
  • Men are also victims of domestic violence. Leadership of the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter is concerned about ending domestic violence in our community—regardless of gender, age, race/ethnicity, sexual identity, or sexual orientation. Our services are based upon inclusion of all members of our community. I have learned that 4% of adults who lived in our shelter in 2014 were men (that is 1 out of every 25 adults). I also have learned that domestic violence is not limited to only spousal or intimate partner relationships, but can include other familial relationships: in-laws, adult children, or adult siblings are examples.
  • I have learned that the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter leadership is interested in not only addressing the basic service needs of immediate safety–the band-aid to this complex social issue–but also in finding a sustainable solution to end domestic violence in our community. Education is a key approach toward truly making an impact. ray ban homme pas cher The Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter partners with area public schools, health officials, corporations, and law enforcement to raise awareness and to provide preventive education. Increasing visibility of the issue and of the services we provide is a priority for our Board.

Safety – Empowerment – Integrity – Inclusion – Education

I have learned these core values of the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter are evidenced in each day’s activities and focus. nike requin pas cher I recognize I have so much more to learn. I also have so much to share.