Amber Lacewell, Outreach Director
Whenever I get the opportunity to speak to a group about domestic violence, one of the first questions I ask is: “When you think of domestic violence, what do you think of?”
As expected, many of the initial responses are about a man hitting a woman, threats of abuse, or something along those lines. Eventually someone will toss out mental or emotional abuse. Sometimes someone mentions isolation from friends and family or abuse among same-sex couples. But do you know what I have never heard as a response?
Teen Dating Violence
Is that even a thing? Yes! Parents, do you talk about dating violence with your kids? Teenagers, do you know if you are in an abusive relationship?
Domestic violence is a large umbrella covering all types of abusive behavior occurring between current or former spouses or dating partners, parents and children, other family members, and people who live together, just to name a few. Although domestic violence between teens is handled differently than with adults in the legal system, teen dating violence is commonly recognized as a form of domestic abuse. And there is a good reason for that.
According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey,
“1 in 5 women and nearly 1 in 7 men who ever experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of intimate partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age.”
Teens and pre-teens, even though they are children, are not immune to domestic violence. As our children start to explore their freedom and interpersonal relationships, it is the responsibility of parents, family members, and the community to teach them about the warning signs. We need to keep the door open for conversations about what is going on in their relationships.
A CDC Fact Sheet summarizes teen dating violence in the following ways:
- Physical Abuse—pinching, hitting, shoving, slapping, or kicking
- Psychological/Emotional Abuse—name calling, shaming, bullying/manipulation, embarrassing on purpose, or isolating from friends or family
- Sexual Abuse—forcing someone to participate in any sexual act without their explicit consent which includes spreading or threatening to spread rumors, videos, or photos
- Stalking—patterns of behavior that threaten or harass with the goal of making the victim fearful
Loveisrespect has an interactive Relationship Spectrum on their website to help identify healthy and abusive behaviors that can occur within a dating relationship as well.
No matter what age the parties are, things like calling someone names and extreme jealousy are not okay. Even seemingly innocent behaviors can become more abusive and lead to increasingly violent behavior. Today’s victims and perpetrators of domestic violence were once teenagers, too. Will you help us stop the cycle before it even starts?
If you are an adult, what are you doing to encourage healthy relationships with your children, grandchildren, mentees, and students?
Teens, how can you help your friends stay safe?